Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
They took my balls.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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