If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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