It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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