so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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