she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize