i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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