I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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