It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
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Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
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