i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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