How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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