he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize