someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
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