My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
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I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
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You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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