paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
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I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
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You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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