I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize