My first STD was from a foam party
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize