hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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