I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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