This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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