If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
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Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
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You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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