she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize