I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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