the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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