oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
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Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
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I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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