I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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