dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
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I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
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