I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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