why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
