How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
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she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize