This gyro tastes like lonliness
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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