idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
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I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
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if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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