stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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