Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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