I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
operation have a gay friend backfired
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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