My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
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Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
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Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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