I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize