Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out mid-signature
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize