I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize