May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize