my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
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The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
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If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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