haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
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Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
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You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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