If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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