all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i will never coherently bang her
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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