Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
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I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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