I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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