whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
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she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
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Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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