The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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