literally had 100 drinks last night.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
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Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
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Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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