I think I just saw someone hide a body.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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