found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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